I'm banned from blogger...

Please check out the website I'm using to blog while I live in China for the next year.

My Changsha

See you when I return!

YSF,

Josie

It's in the Cards

Last year on my Birthday I met with four friends and started a tradition. We were all in our post college state of being…we had little time to meet up due to our conflicting schedules, we had entered the “real world.” To make time for each other we designated a date to meet up every month.

In the beginning we started out having dinner but again because of our schedules eating at 11 p.m. became too late, we decided to then meet/catch up with desserts and drinks. Since two out of the four of us had an adequate space to host our new tradition we alternated month to month between the the two and in July...

Our year anniversary for the tradition we created was extra special because it was my last time I’d be able to before my trip to China and my birthday was just around the corner too. Excitedly I brought the best ice cream cake from Trader Joe’s!

We met at Julia’s apartment and I was able to give myself a little fortune telling session. I picked up her Deepak Chopra inspirational cards. I shuffled them from hand to hand, I concentrated on what I wanted, “Please give me a message that will help me until my next Birthday. Please give me a card that will give me some guidance, some direction?”

Here’s my answer from the Universe...
My card read, “I am on the path of enlightenment.”

This is just what I needed to celebrate my time with my friends, to celebrate my Birthday, to celebrate my trip to China, and to remind myself that I am where I need to be.

Happy tears!

I’m Starting with the Woman in the Mirror

Once upon a time when MTV only played music videos and long before TiVo… the only way to watch something again and again was to own a VCR, a blank VHS, and hit the record button.

With this knowledge at age five it wasn’t long before I had memorized Michael Jackson’s, Thriller, chorography…that is until my mom had to take away my tape because my addiction had my two sisters, who were three and two years old at the time, very frightened.

My first live encounter with Michael Jackson occurred when he came to my hometown, Stockton. A man went on a shooting spree at Cleveland Elementary School.

So it was Michael Jackson who made an appearance to help heal my community.

As an adult what I love, appreciate, and will miss from Michael Jackson isn’t the so much the “POP” angle mainstream media is sharing.

It’s the political activism that he created and informed me of through the lyrics of his songs.


Man in the Mirror
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.


They Don’t Really Care About Us
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
Set me free

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
black man, black male
Throw your brother in jail

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us


Earth Song
What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain...
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

What have we done to the world
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son...
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores

Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far

Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

Hey, what about yesterday
(What about us)
What about the seas
(What about us)
The heavens are falling down
(What about us)
I can't even breathe
(What about us)
What about the bleeding Earth
(What about us)
Can't we feel its wounds
(What about us)
What about nature's worth
(ooo, ooo)
It's our planet's womb
(What about us)
What about animals
(What about it)
We've turned kingdoms to dust
(What about us)
What about elephants
(What about us)
Have we lost their trust
(What about us)
What about crying whales
(What about us)
We're ravaging the seas
(What about us)
What about forest trails
(ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite our pleas
(What about us)
What about the holy land
(What about it)
Torn apart by creed
(What about us)
What about the common man
(What about us)
Can't we set him free
(What about us)
What about children dying
(What about us)
Can't you hear them cry
(What about us)
Where did we go wrong
(ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why
(What about us)
What about babies
(What about it)
What about the days
(What about us)
What about all their joy
(What about us)
What about the man
(What about us)
What about the crying man
(What about us)
What about Abraham
(What was us)
What about death again
(ooo, ooo)
Do we give a damn
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah


Heal the World
There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me



Black or White
I Took My Baby
On A Saturday Bang
Boy Is That Girl With You
Yes We're One And The Same

Now I Believe In Miracles
And A Miracle
Has Happened Tonight

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

They Print My Message
In The Saturday Sun
I Had To Tell Them
I Ain't Second To None

And I Told About Equality
An It's True
Either You're Wrong
Or You're Right

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

I Am Tired Of This Devil
I Am Tired Of This Stuff
I Am Tired Of This Business
Sew When The
Going Gets Rough
I Ain't Scared Of
Your Brother
I Ain't Scared Of No Sheets
I Ain't Scare Of Nobody
Girl When The
Goin' Gets Mean

[L. T. B. Rap Performance]
Protection
For Gangs, Clubs
And Nations
Causing Grief In
Human Relations
It's A Turf War
On A Global Scale
I'd Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
See, It's Not About Races
Just Places
Faces
Where Your Blood
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Going To Spend
My Life Being A Color

[Michael]
Don't Tell Me You Agree With Me
When I Saw You Kicking Dirt In My Eye

But, If
You're Thinkin' About My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Brother
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

Ooh, Ooh
Yea, Yea, Yea Now
Ooh, Ooh
Yea, Yea, Yea Now

It's Black, It's White
It's Tough For You
To Get By
It's Black , It's White, Whoo

It's Black, It's White
It's Tough For You
To Get By
It's Black , It's White, Whoo

And now, to introduce the pink elephant, the other lesson that Michael Jackson has taught me, is the lesson of self-hate. By watching MJ over the course of my life rather than judge him, I have questioned and continue to discover my own layers of self-hate.

I felt compelled to bring this up because when I was getting my hair cut, the woman across from me was reading a book, Why do Black Women Keep Losing Their Hair. It reminded me of my last flat iron I owned which read, “Secret to Beauty.” Whenever I used this tool to burn my hair straight, in the pit of my stomach I had an uncomfortable feeling. I would think to myself, “So is the real secret to beauty having straight hair? If so who does this leave out?” Or, “Why am I justifying the use of this product to make myself something I’m not naturally? What is so wrong with my natural state of being?" Because I feel just as beautiful when I have my hair curly too, so what is it and why am I so conflicted? To a certain extent I am aware of our societal norms/appearances that are deemed appropriate but that doesn’t stop me from questioning.

I always question where the root of all this inner turmoil stems?



When walking home from the gym, I saw this advertisement. This ad is apart of the answer and further reiterates the message that we have been and continually programmed to believe. When I arrived home I checked out the VS website, I was curious to see if they would include a non-white woman with the subconscious lingering image, “Perfect.” Unfortunately, there were three more white women with texts and statements with “Perfect.” Again my own question, “What is being sold here the image of model or the bra?”

Furthermore, I found out that purchasing Victoria’s Secret products, you also contribute to: Israeli apartheid, home demolitions, checkpoints, restrictions on movement, daily humiliation, land confiscation, imprisonment without charge, assassination of political leaders, and indiscriminate killings of civilians…because VS purchases cotton from Delta Galil, an Israeli Company, selling cotton from confiscated Palestinian land. So this promotion of “Perfection” further compels me to not buy into the injustice/self-hate hype.

While the month anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death has passed I wanted to share the topics that mainstream media neglected to and how the relate to me.

This Michael Jackson tribute is a brief conversation to myself, to see where I have come and where I must continue to go, the work I have to do in order to deprogram and breakdown my self-hate.

When it is my time to go I want people to celebrate and come together to discuss the good, bad, and everything in between about me. Collectively we have a lot to learn from each other, that is when we can escape our egos and listen from a space of love.

Ultimately, when I don’t allow what is programmed get the best of me, I am able to practice looking into people’s eyes and trying to see myself realizing…

I am you and you are me.

Celebrating 26

I’m simultaneously dating, I’ll explain. When I’m not out with my city, I’m with Jim. And these days our dates have become quite frequent.

Together Jim and I share sessions of never-disappointing-steamy-hour-long-low-lit-music-filled-fast-slow-endurance-building-intense-people-watching-sweaty… spin workouts!

When my mom asked me not so long ago whom I’m dating? I shared with her the lines above, she said, “Josie, that’s T.M.C.”

Meaning T.M.I. she was relieved when I broke the news to her that my homophone Jim was actually the Gym.

Before my date with the gym that evening, I had to make a stop to book another really important date, my birthday!

Book my birthday, mission accomplished! And to play on words, while in the Mission, on the way to complete my b-day assignment, I stopped at a $1 book cart, which had been calling my name from the crosswalk.

And who says you can’t find a deal in this kind of economy? My $1 book is so wonderful that I decided to share it with you! I’m sure I’m infringing on a copyright law here but the message was so appropriate for me and really people should get this message!

Here’s what is written on the back cover so you can decide for yourself if you want to read this book that I’m sharing. If not it’s cool but please read my message after story time!

Back Cover:
Tired of hearing the same old question: Why aren’t you married? Never let anyone dare question your single status again. Inside this therapeutic little book, you’ll find 26 good, snappy single-girl comebacks to fling at anyone who makes you feel like you’re half a person just because you’re not half a couple. Plus, a philosophy of why it’s better to hold out for a soulmate instead of settling for a cellmate.

Karen Salmansohn is the bestselling author of How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less, Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers and the 30 Day Plan to Whip Your Career Into Submission.

“I loved this book! I couldn’t have written about singlehood any better myself.” –God

The Title:
Even God is Single (so stop giving me a hard time).
*The book every single girls needs to defend against nudgy family and friends.
By Karen Salmansohn.

Ahem, page one:

If you’re a single woman, chances are you’ve been asked the following 3 questions…
1. Why aren’t you married?
2. Why aren’t you married?
…and the very poplular:
3. Why aren’t you married?
(give or take another 999,999,997 more such questions)

As you already know… there are nearly as many answers. Happily, many even include factors to blame other than yourself and/or your thighs.

Unfortunately, I can’t fix you up with any cute guys. However, I can fix you up with some feisty comebacks to fling at anyone who dares to question your single status.
And that’s the purpose of this book—to remind you why you should feel good about your singlehood, so you can better defend yourself against anyone who tries to make you feel like half of a person, just because you’re not half a couple.

Trust me. It’s worth it to hold out for a soulmate instead of a mere cellmate to share your life with.

This book will help to reassure you about your love-life choices during any and all times of inner turmoil—i.e. those dreaded family visits or night out with your nudgy married friends. Speaking of the unenlightened, this book should be generously offered up to any and all of the above to help them enlighten up. Now, once again, for the question that inspired this book (after all, a single girl can never hear it – or even see it in print—enough times)…

Why aren’t you married?

After hearing that question, you will pause, smile sagaciously (I love that word), and give one of the following…

26 good, snappy, single-girl comebacks…

In the beginning, there were no stairmasters or low-fat-high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum. Meaning? The pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances—and the fine line of SnackWell products—we can all hope to live to age 80. Easy. Meaning? Even if we get married at age 40, that’s still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. And divorced…

1. What’s the Hurry?

2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Hitler got married. Frankenstein got married. Linda Tripp got married. Obviously married people are not superior people…

3. Meanwhile, look at some of our cool single role models:
Cat woman: single.
Buddha: single.
Aphrodite: single.

Madonna. The Lone Ranger. Actually, all superheroes are single: Superman, Wonder Woman, Dudley Do-Right, etc.

4. Then there’s The Ultimate Superhero… God. Also single.
And God is even a single-parent household.

5. It’s easy to become married. 2.3 million people do it a year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.

6. Why am I single?...
It’s a mystery right up there with:
Who Shot JFK? and: Why don’t other countries have better toilet paper?

7. The best things in life are free…
Trouble-free, Free love, ESPN-free, Toilet seat up- free, Yeast infection- free, May all beings everywhere be happy and free!

8. As Granma Nan says, “Why make one man happy, when you can make a lot of men happy?” Why limit myself to being dissatisfied by one relationship, when I can be dissatisfied by an infinite variety?

9. Many fabulous things don’t necessarily come in pairs. For instance, there’s only one Hope Diamond. Why settle when hope springs eternal?

10. Consider the following verbal similarities, then ask yourself: coincidence or what?
Altar vs. Altered, Settling Down vs. Settling, I Do vs. Child Support Due, Married vs. Marred, Bridal vs. Bridled, Wedded vs. Welded, Mate vs. Inmate, Engaged vs. Enraged, Monogamy vs. Monotony, In-laws vs. Outlaws, Wedlock vs. Deadlock, Committed vs. “Committed” (you know, that other kind…Oh, and also consider how marriage is called, “An institution.” Ahem.) Marriage vs. Mirage, I Do vs. I Guess You Will DO.

11. Now, consider all the cool vocabulary related to non-marrieds: One of a kind. Single-most. Saving the best for last. Singular sensation. Singled out. A hit single. Good things do come to those who wait. Which reminds me…

12. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, good things do come to those who wait. Statistics show that folks who wait until their 30s to marry experience a much lower divorce rate. Probably because we’re older and wider—oops, I meant wiser. Plus I suppose it helps that with increased age comes decreased eyesight and increased memory loss. Both marital aids.

13. Why rush to get married by a specific age, when it’s much simpler to just lie about one’s age?

Driver’s License:
Weight: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
Hair: BRUNETTE, SOMETIMES RED, ONCE FUCHSIA
Age: YOUNGISH
Height: IN PRADA? BIRKENSTOCKS?

14. Thanks to modern day science, biological clocks are now available with a snooze button option. Meaning? We have more time to shop for the ultimate husband.

15. Returns. Consider the statistics: Over 50% of marrieds undo their “I dos.” The way I see it, being careful about whom I marry just means I’ve… skipped a few divorces. (Marriage must be a really great thing. Some people seem to like it so much, they do it 2, 3, even 8 times in a lifetime.)

16. While I’m shining the harsh light of truth on the make-up-smudged face of marriage, let me remind you that longevity in wedlock does not necessarily mean a lifetime of bliss and satisfaction, either. So, why is marriage made out to be this big Holy Grail? I blame fairy tales. They’re false advertising for happily-ever-after marriagehood. You know what I’d love to see? The sequel to Snow White…

Snow White II The Saga Continues.

Snow White: “What are all these apple cores doing all over the place? Can’t you even clean up after yourself?”
Prince Charming: “I guess you wouldn’t have time to clean. I want know what this teeny tiny sock is doing under our bed—and why little Grumpy hasn’t been looking so grumpy lately!”

17. It’s interesting how our culture has the expression “happily married,” but no expression “happily single.” And those words are 100% U.S. Census Bureau Certified.

Statistics show that although married men are reported to be happier than single men—single women are reported to be happier than married women—a fact that only furthers the irony that single women are branded as “Unhappy” and “Lonely” and “Loser-esque”—when single women are just boldly holding out for the right situation, rather than in a weakened state of desperation getting married just to be married—only to wind up feeling “Unhappy” and “Lonely” and “Loser-esque” within their marriage—until divorce do them part…

Frankenstein’s wife,“Lately I’ve been feeling like he’s got some screws loose…”

“Why settle for Mr. Good Enough or Mr. Rightish?”

18. Married people have their share of problems—as much as single people do. So, choosing to get married or remain single is simply a matter of deciding which kind of problems you want to have: married girl problems… or single girl problems.

19. I can get a husband any time I want. Like that woman’s husband… or that woman’s husband! Quick look up from this book and see if you can catch someone now!

20. “Jen ne regrette rien, j’avance.”
As Edith Piaf, the French chanteuse, once belted out: “Jen e regretted rien, j’avance.” Which translated into Single Girl English means: “Hey, I don’t regret a darn thing about my dating life. I’m learning lots—plus, I’m getting some really swell jewelry.”

21. I’m trendy. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, marriage rates are plummeting downwards…while single rates are rising upwards, increasingly so every year. Who knows, eventually traditional marriage could be the beta tape of love unions.

22. Marriage rates are probably drooping swiftly because times are different now than centuries ago, when marriage represented a financial necessity for a woman. Now I, as a modern day broad, can gain: money, influence, identity, status and stability, all on my own—and not through a man. Meaning? I now have the freedom to hold out for a spouse who will be more than a walking wallet, but a best friend who knows how to find my G-spot and the baby’s diaper bag. Meaning, it’s a case of: I think, therefore I am…single.

23. It’s a case of “Smart Women, No Choices.”
Many women are overqualified for the job of wife, because most men are not looking for a woman with “CEO-level wife skill.” Meaning, if you are too independent, or want to create your own hours, or seek emotional raises, then there won’t be as many openings for the kind of wife position you are seeking. Two big problems with relationships today: 1. There is not room for two husbands. 2. Most women need a wife.

24. They’re too many potential partners to choose from.

As long as George Clooney, John Cusask, and Ben Affleck are still single, what’s the rush? There’s a limited selection of potential partners.

All the really sexy, sensitive, stylish, just-plain-swell guys already have boyfriends.

Ironically, we singles now have the largest love buffet of any era. We can date someone 20 years younger or older, of a different color/race/religion—or even region thanks to planes, trains, and e-mail. Unfortunately, it seems more choices mean more bonding problems. For instance, now that the Soviets have more freedom, they’re catching up to us in divorce. Answer me this: why when we are younger do our mothers never think any guy is good enough? But as we get older, we could wheel in a guy in a coma, announce our engagement, and our mothers would do wheelies for joy.

25. Okay, so maybe I haven’t yet found “thee” one yet, but I have found plenty of “a” one’s—all of whom have helped to make me become a wiser, more honest, more soulful, more communicative partner for the next relationship—as well as better in bed—which also helps a lot in relationships, believe me.

26. In Summary, I say: let’s stop pressuring women to marry for the sake of marriage.

Instead, I say: let’s start pressuring people—to strive to become wiser, more communicative, more honest, more soulful, and more sexually talented people—and thereby increase the potential field of better, happier marital partners to pick from—and/or simply increase the potential field of just better, happier people.

The End (of the single girl vs. married girl debate)

Back to the beginning, I always joke about dating the city or the gym because right now I have to make light of my situation, my path to enlightenment.

I’m 26 and watching my friends get married/have children.
I’m also caught between friends who truly desire to be married and/or start having children.

I never judge the decisions they make to get them to where they need or like to be because their happiness is my happiness.

On my soul-searching journey to ultimately finish the task I’ve assigned for myself, “Your task is not to seek love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against love.” One of my favorite Rumi quotes.

I realize how lucky I am to have surrounded myself with friends and people who support my journey; I consider their presence in my life already a birthday gift!

And when it comes to celebrating a birthday one usually receives gifts, in my case sharing this story seemed like a nicer gesture.

Happy Birthday to all of the happily singles out there like me!

Josie and the City

Carrie: When you are single in New York, there is no end to ways to fill your days: museums, parks, theatres, concert halls, nightclubs and countless restaurants…

New York is the perfect place to be single. The city is your date.

Miranda: You're dating the city?

Carrie: About 18 years. It's getting serious. I think I'm in love.

Josie: San Francisco is my version of New York. I’m in love with this city and we’ve been together now, four years strong. I’m taking our relationship to the next level. The ink has sealed a splendid kiss upon my new lease.

The Universe is marvelous.

I am confident that I’ve met Katie and have been reunited with her to win this Lotto. Although, we’re not millionaires I suspect that if the California Lotto Millionaires could describe the taste of their luck, winning this apartment lotto, is a sample of that taste.

I’d like to think that my visualization board played into my luck of getting this apartment. What’s a visualization board? Well, I complied different magazine photos to represent things I wanted from life. I put the photos somewhere I could see everyday, in my case the fridge. I scanned the photos and visualized using all of my senses, what it would be like to have the things I was requesting. Most importantly I forced myself to believe that I already had what I was asking for. Let me give you an example.

Katie and I applied for this apartment down town. We knew that we'd be up against many other applicants, I knew what I had to do. I found pictures that represented this apartment. Checking out my board you’d see: the lay out plans, flowers, city views, furniture I wanted to put in, various city apartment designs. Everyday I would take a couple of breaths, fantasize and ask, “What does it feel like when I walk into the building? What are the smells and sounds? Who is there when I enter?” I would tell Katie about these fantasies. We shared stories, “We’d have amazing dinners, we’d be so much closer to work…”
I even found Katie, who was once a skeptic of my board, in the kitchen, her palms at heart center, eyes closed, visualizing.

I had spent many days practicing and at night sometimes the only thing that would ease me to sleep would be my practice. Literally on night the light bulb went on. I knew that I had good energy but never enough to turn on the lights! I called Katie, “I know we’re going to get this apartment…”

Next, I find myself holding Katie’s hand at the lottery drawing. She squeals with delight, as we are closer to manifesting our desire. Thank you universe, I always have faith that everything is happening the way it is truly meant to be.

Now, my friends and love ones have asked me about my life with my love and it reminds me of this scene:

Carrie: Say, Louis from Louisiana,
How many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?

Louis: Great loves?

Carrie: That is the question on deck.

Louis: Maybe one, if you're lucky. Well, I'm glad l stayed. After this city kicked my ass today, I needed that dance. I have to say, this is my first trip to New York.
Not for me. The garbage, the noise, I don't know how you put up with it.

Carrie: Thanks. Goodnight.

Louis: Wait. Going home all alone? It's rough out there.

Carrie: It isn't so bad. If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, New York may just be mine. I can't have nobody talking shit about my boyfriend.

Josie: People always ask, “How can you stand living down town, dealing with the tourist and all of the noise?” And while I’m growing into this new space, I realize that with any new relationship, there are new challenges, new things one learns to put up with.
But when it’s time for me to go home all alone.
It’s not so bad…

Truth be told, if you only get on love...
San Francisco, you may just be mine.

Dear Josephina,

Dear Antonia,
Dear Maria,
Dear Dominguez,
Dear Perez,

Dear Josephine,
Dear Josepha,

Dear Antonia,
Dear Maria,

Dear Dominguez,
Dear Perez,

Dear Ancestors,
Breathe through me as lips do when gently touching a flute to exhale a beautiful melody.

Speak through me like the wind that speaks through the branches and leaves of trees.

Watch over me as the moon, clouds, and stars do kissing the Earth goodnight.

Guide me as the Universe has guided you.

This poem written by yours truly was inspired upon listening to a compilation CD, Our Souls Run Deep Like the Rivers, a compilation of poetry, read and written by Black Poets. Also inspired by Janice Mirikitani: San Francisco Poet Laureate, Director of Glide, Stocktonian, and San Francisco State Alumni. Last Sunday I saw her again when I went to a Glide service with my best friend’s mom and younger sister. I had previously met Ms. Mirikitani working on a project for San Francisco State.

Thank you...

It's Written In The Stars

Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.

January 2009
They say the way you spend your New Year’s Eve is a prediction for the year ahead. I spent my NYE in the comfort of my own bed, before starting my night in, I went out to pick up my favorite snacks. Into the Mac Book, my favorite season of Sex and the City when the foursomes are single! Passing out, what seemed to be long before midnight, I was awakened to the sounds of bullets, screaming-party people, and sirens. It seemed like just another weekend in the Mission, that’s a not so funny reality. However, I was excited, “Hooray, it’s 2009! A new year, a new me! Travels abroad and new discoveries waiting for me!” My ice cold feet hit the floor, shuffling into the potty like a penguin, where my prediction would unfold…

I spent my New Year’s menstruating.

So if it is true, what they say, if this was any indication for my 2009, it will be one intense year. My apology if this is a bit T.M.I.

I spent 2008 completing my Peace Corps application at this point it was received and reviewed. In a telephone interview, I was informed that the position I was waiting for wasn’t within my destiny because I wasn’t qualified for it. Their next scripted response, “Because we’re in this 'economic global crisis' many of the positions that were available to you, and your unique major, have been cut. The U.S. dollar is down…. Blah blah blah.” I asked, “What are my options now?” Easy they suggested, “Go out and volunteer and wait for another position to open up.” So easy right, sure, if I hadn’t given up my apartment due to my rent increase and hello I thought I was leaving! Easy if I had the privilege to live off of mom and dad to volunteer eighty hours a week to ensure I was a competitive applicant. Not to mention volunteering wasn’t going to absolutely provide me with a position or a departure date. The Peace Corps also wrote to me, “We believe the quality of our Volunteers is more important than the quantity of Volunteers, and we are looking for the very best to represent America in a more limited number of assignments this year.” First, I asked them what actions could I take to demonstrate I’m the best to represent America? This also made me think about the number of people who represent America on the basis of war and violence when joining the Military. How long was their process? And when I brought this up to the PC they were very upset and interpreted my question and comment as, “Why would you compare us to the Military?”

POINT MISSED.

I wondered how many people liked me jumped through all of the hoops and obstacles to live in squalor to represent and serve America on the basis of Peace! I’m willing to dedicate my youth/energy, talents/skills, knowing I’m going to be exploited, to give back to the global community some of the privilege I have, just to make the world a better place! But it doesn’t really matter, in the volunteer world, nothing is guaranteed! One reality is to just…

WAIT.

And left with no real answer I had to make a choice. My application sits in a waiting pool until I contact the PC and let them know I’m volunteering.

Lets be clear I am believer in the universe and I know I will be aligned with everything that I want in life and what it has to offer me, when the time is right.

And I know I have a habit of questioning authority but I’m determined to get out of the U.S. and volunteer. I’ve researched more volunteer abroad opportunities and completed my application to a program through WorldTeach in Bangladesh, we’ll see?

Work, work, workout, was another routine for most of my 2008 and now I desperately needed a vacation. Especially because Africa wasn’t just around the corner as planned. I wanted to go on a meditation retreat, Vipassana, ten solid days of silence, my journey within. It seemed perfect, since I had to be out of my apartment by the end of the month anyway but wasn’t able to attend because I couldn’t find someone to cover me at work.

Reflecting back on all of this I must admit the universe was definitely testing my

FLEXIBILITY.

Okay, one more major event for January. I did get one day off of work and practiced my meditation. I practiced from the morning when I hit the ground at my work, into the cab, crawling to the Emergency Room check in, in the ER restroom, until I finally made it to a Nurse letting her know, “I have to be seen now! It’s been over two hours and I think something exploded inside of me.”

Throwing me onto a stretcher, on my arm goes the rubber band, and in the IV. I apologized for being dramatic about my pain. Simultaneously, reminding myself to just breathe and focus on my breath. Dosing in and out of sleep in my waiting quarters, there was a haze of big orange jump suits. I realized the California Prison inmates’ had their appointments too.

Similarly to NYE, I was awakened to a homeless man, screaming, “I need to leave this hospital now! I had a seizer earlier today, I’m okay now, I’m going to miss my hot lunch and shower if I don’t leave now!” The nurse assured him it wouldn’t take that much longer, he reminded her, she already told him that an hour ago. So he screams again, “What the hell is this a prison? Why are there guns, cops, and inmates here? Isn’t this a f***ing County Hospital.” In my bed, I thought, “Wow,” while I shared his sentiment, I knew that was not appropriate behavior at the hospital, you could further delay your service or get arrested! Thoughts raced through my mind as fast as those CSI Miami montages trying to figure out my escape plan just incase some drama was about to go down. My paranoia was set to ease because my doctor came in. Now, keep in mind I arrived at the County at 10 a.m. spent two hours laying on the bathroom stall toilet, it’s a miracle I didn’t catch a disease or unknown parasite, it was now 2 p.m. and while I smile nearly 110 percent of my day, just waking up to all of this, I looked how I felt,

MISERABLE.

My doctor asks, “Josephina?” Before I am truly alert she asks, “Do you speak English?” “Yes,” I answered her. Following my own advice to the homeless man, I bit my tongue to respond, “Do you speak English?” Wow, a little mean I know and after all what should I have expected I was at the County. I guess I can’t complain too much because at least I have a hospital to treat me but here’s a political rant, I think my tax dollars could have went to better causes than the Bankster-Bailout and spent on hmmm, maybe,

HEALTH CARE?

The test results and diagnosis were in! The doctor tells me how impressed she is with how I did with the pain. She explained that men with my symptoms beg to be cut open and what I had just experienced was the second worse pain in the world, the first being childbirth, I was experiencing the pain of passing a…

KIDNEY STONE.

While I had an entertaining lesson on the functions of kidneys I also learned that my pain was sort of self-induced, I was dehydrated and exhausted. The light bulb turns on; perhaps it was my work, work, workout lifestyle? I left the hospital on a mission with my urine strainer to catch this stone. Close to 9 p.m. my meditation retreat at the hospital was over, I was starving. With my medical-taped-cotton ball still on the inside of my elbow and hospital ID bracelet to match, I met up with my friends for a tasty Indian dinner.

That’s a day in this life. If you’ve stuck with me thus far, I’m impressed!

And yes, my January wasn’t oh so bad either because when I wasn’t working or in the hospital I was

PROTESTING!

Day-to-night-meditating-screaming-hugging-divesting-dancing-outraged protesting! Always in solidarity for justice especially the struggles I share with my Palestinian sisters and brothers.

And no one could put it better than a text I got from Thieny, “Take this moment with me to breathe in the brutality, suffering, and violent loss of our brothers and sisters in Gaza. Let us exhale deep love, compassion, and peace. May their souls be free. I love you.”

Democrats and Republicans will continue to fail us when they spend our tax dollars bailing out Israel, I’ll have to save this discussion for another blog. And as a compassionate human being I truly seek to spend my life using my voice for the voiceless.


Breathing in, I see myself as a flower.
Breathing out, I feel fresh.

February 2009
Ahhh…now out of my apartment and sharing a room with one of my best friends, Chanthone. I had reaped some of my good karma. It was time for me to relax and just get back to working to live instead of living to work, which I still battle. Another highlight was being able to take my tween and teen to the California Academy of Sciences an awesome field trip!

And I was finally able to take a mini vacation to Monterey with Katie, the next friend I’d be moving with in March. It was wonderful getting out of the city. We stayed with Katie’s dad and stopped to visit my Nana too. On Saturday morning we took a five-mile walk, ate breakfast, and on this walk I discovered the serenity of Monterey Bay. It was unlike San Francisco. The hustle and bustle of the city makes the water at the surface of our Bay troublesome. Ironically, I admire watching these turbulent forces. I accept them. They require me to focus on the stillness below the surface.

I am drawn to San Francisco’s bay because it is a reflection of my life. It’s not easy to accept these troubling turbulent forces that disrupt my mind and allow me to fall down the rabbit hole of doubt. Yet, what is on the surface or still to come, challenges me to focus and reconnect on what is beneath. My very own stillness which has an abundance of

SERENITY.


Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain.
Breathing out, I feel solid.

March 2009
A friend asked me, “So how’s it be homeless?” I tell him happily, “Absolutely great!” I’m now in Daly City with Katie we’re reunited and it never felt so good! We are what I’d like to call a powerhouse couple! Seriously we should open a consulting firm. I’m ying and she’s my yang! Together we make fabulous dinners, keep each other on top of our “adult” responsibilities, rant about injustices especially from the Bank-sters of America, we apply our morning/nightly eye/hand cream, and just when we feel we’re right back in college…we realize we are older-hotter-poised and feel like cougars because we are too old for some of the bar scenes we’ve recently went to.

Not to mention we are in the same boat right now, waiting for what our future may have in store… hey no wonder the universe aligned us yet again as roommates. It has been a blast from the past including old visitors, which suddenly, I am just realizing, is another lesson from the universe. We’ve applied to an apartment. It’s literally a lottery so together we wait. And that’s why

IT’S WRITTEN IN THE STARS!

Right now, I’m working on acceptance because all I really have is now. I’ve been told when I choose to let my own fear get the best of me and compare myself to others, “Josie, seriously the grass is always greener, I’d love to be in your shoes.” Accepting this transition is harder than any final in college or struggle I’ve been through in my life. Trusting the unknown, I’m here because I’m meant to be, all of that positive reinforcement I tell others is now what I have to tell myself!

I trust in the universe that I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be. And now to finish up this breathing meditation…


Breathing in, I see myself still as water.
Breathing out, I am able to reflect things as they are.
Breathing in, I see myself as space.
Breathing out…

I FEEL FREE